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My issue is two fold. I am a 53 year old male who has zero attraction to females sexually or relationally and I've been that way since I was a child. Unfortunately, I have strong same sex attraction. I grew up in a Christian family and am myself a believer since childhood. I wish I could say that I've never fallen into homosexual activity but that isn't the case. However, I have never allowed myself to become involved with a man emotionally, only physically. I lived a secretive, promiscuous lifestyle until my 40s. I do not wish to live that lifestyle any more and try in earnest to avoid mishaps. I yearn to know love and intimacy with another person but it is an impossibility for me. To find that with a man is a blatant sin and I'm not capable of finding that with a woman. I do not find women in and of themselves repulsive at all but the thought of being intimate with a woman is repulsive to me and scares me to death. Besides that, even if I could be with a woman, what self respecting woman would allow herself to be involved with someone who suffers from same sex attraction? Also, I am not an effeminate guy and have no identification with stereotypical gay things. Besides the emotional and physical act between two men, nothing else about the homosexual agenda or lifestyle appeals to me. I am desperately lonely. I want to remain pure. I refuse to have an emotional relationship with a man. I do not want to have this fight for the rest of my life. I honestly do focus on other positive aspects of my life but in my weaker moments, it is really tough. When I lie down at night alone in my bed, always alone in my bed and the thoughts of just holding someone flood my mind, not even sexual thoughts, it tears me up inside knowing that I will never know the fullness of human love in my time on earth. My two fold problem is that the kind of sex I desire is sinful and so is the emotional connection I long for. I have cried out to God many, many times throughout my life but have yet to find a solution. Apart from a miracle, I don't think I have any other choice but to accept this as my plight and to live out my years as a broken, lonely, celibate man. I cannot think of any other scenario that reconciles my faith with my passions. And I have no choice but to follow my faith which is far more important in the long run. And no one in my life knows I struggle with this. Growing up in church and being around Christians my whole life and hearing them talk, I know what they would really think of me if they knew I had this struggle. Despite all of that, I do believe that God loves me and created me for a purpose. I don't think He is repulsed by me because I believe the shed blood of His Son, Jesus, washes me clean of my stain of sin. I don't know exactly what my purpose is yet but all I know to do is to keep pursuing Him and trying to figure out things without losing myself. The road truly is narrow.